Animal Behavior - further ponderings by Judith Podell

Animal Behavior
by Judith Podell

1. Cats never apologize and never explain. Dogs let it all hang out on Oprah.
Dogs are hot, but cats are cool.

2. John Travolta, Dei Moore, and President Clinton are dogs. Dogs get in your
face: they leave nthing to the iagination.
Lawrence of Arabia was a cat.

3. Cats do not play well with others.

4. Favorite teachers are dogs. Teachers you get crushes on are cats.

5. Opera singers are dogs. Ballet dancers are cats.

6. People who need people are dogs.

7. Louis Armstrong and Dizzy Gillespie were dogs. Any jazz musician who doesn't
shoot heroin is a dog.

8. Cats have the killer instinct. If you put your cat on a vegetarian diet she
will go blind.

9. Dogs let others do the killing and hang around for the leftovers. They are
natural born shoppers.

10. Dogs are shameless, but easiy guilt-tripped. Cats are without guilt, but
sometimes you can embarrass them.

11. Dogs are resilient, courageous, and sentimantal. They buy vacuum cleaners
for their wives, and neckties for their boyfriends. They hang their children's
artwork in their cubicles.

12. Cats despise cubicles. If they bother with gifts it's always what you wanted
but never thought to ask Cats are the ones who break up first.

13. Cats can handle high fashion but dogs look better in the classics. That
means no spandex, and no see through. It's more fun to design for cats, but the
money lies in making products for dogs.

14. No one wants a cat for a lawyer.

15. Dogs have sexual energy, which is not the same thing as sex appeal." I just
made love to a million people", Janis Joplin said after one of her concerts,
"but I'm going home alone".

16. Only dogs can sing the blues.


*****
Excerpted from "Blues For Beginners and Other Obsessions" (Argonne House Press, 2001)

Copyright - 2001 by Judith Podell and by The Argonne House Press
used by kind permission from the author.